Sitting, waiting, wishing

Reflecting and contemplating. Life in a hammock, lazy days in the sun. Hopes, dreams and aspirations.

After being involved both directly and indirectly in the breakdown of 4 relationships most recently - none of these my own - I've been inspired to start writing again. For anyone who knows me, relationships are not my strong point. I would prefer much more relaxed boundaries, an open relationship if you will.

For the past few months, I've had no fixed abode, no paid job, all possessions sold or given away and the remainder packed into a bag. I've concentrated on new places, new faces, had great times and right now couldn't imagine life any other way. After a drunken bus ride with some random people I met at a pub the night before, I ended up with the man about town and was introduced to a new emotion - Jealousy. Whether this has anything to do with my involvement in breakdown of the other relationships of the past 2 months, I can't be sure. But here I am. The beauty of traveling is you can be whoever you want to be. I've had moments where I've had impeccable morals and other moments where I've been driven purely by selfishness.

Tomorrow I move on from the life I have been living here, but today I am confronted with the guy who I have been seeing exclusively (on my behalf) for the past few days ... from the moment where I lost my bus cherry to the night previously where I turned down, and subsequently, finished the orgy that was about to start.
Tonight I move on, it will be a bender, I will go hard, but but most of all, I will move on in the only way I know how - with any member of the opposite sex.
I'm still trying to work out why I feel betrayed. There were technically no boundaries to this relationship, merely a mutual understanding. I have spent the past few days enjoying company, wondering about his previous relationships, and the closeness

and flirtatiousness of his encounters with the opposite sex. There was nothing to worry about, we ended up in bed together at the end of the night, and today, I arrive back to see him with the the object of his affections; the ones I questioned. Am I turning into a woman? Where have these feelings come from, or is it simply my comeuppance. For the hearts I've broken along the way, for the closeness that I've been craving and enjoying to come to an end.

I realise I should be an adult about this, confront the situation head on, but it seems easier to just cut my losses and move to the next location, continue to drift.
For all the good times, that I've had, I will start updating more often, filling in on the events of the past and moving onward and upward with life.

Until next time xo

Flaunt It! The Debrief!

Mission accomplished!

I made it to the party, I didn't get cold feet ... I went with an open mind and had no idea of the expectations for the evening.
To be quite honest the hard sell for me was a phone call from the couple who were running the event. Both professional, attractive, well adjusted adults. Of course they have put on a few events over the past couple of years so I imagine it gets easier with each party.
I'm still not sure what to call the party yet. I have told only one person about my intentions for NYE; for anybody else who inquired, it was simply a party. Of course I haven't caught up with any of my close friends yet, those of which will ask for more details about my night. And I will need to disclose further details ...
Was it a swingers party? I'm not sure of the definition of a swingers party, but from what I am led to believe, usually it involves putting keys into a bowl and ending up with a new partner for the night. And there was nothing of the sort.
Was it a sex party? There really wasn't alot of sex going on. Intimate party seems the best way to summise the event. I prefer to call it The Penthouse Party.

This is a private party for an exclusive group of people. No single men are invited and all couples must be in a proper relationship. Everybody is screened before being confirmed for the event.
The location given is approximate and on the day of the event, the address details and advice to bring a change of clothes were sent by sms.

I was met at the door by security for the evening and escorted upstairs. The 'penthouse party' which included a performance by a penthouse pet, was not actually in a penthouse, but a decently sized inner city 2 bedroom, 2 1/2 bathroom apartment with a view of the harbour.

The RSVP list was for 55, but I would hazard a guess at saying there were between 40 - 50 guests who made it on the night. I was one of two single girls who came along to the event.
All were very professional and occupations ranged from engineers to technicians, photographers, real estate agents and executives. Ages ranged from early 20's to early 40's, although to score an invite in the top age bracket the guideline is you need to be fit, forty and norty!

The apartment was very minimalist and modern. Nothing personal was kept around as the place is used on weekends only as a party house. There were signs on the doors to announce an open door policy mostly to ensure that nothing untoward went on (and possibly for the voyeurists as well). And a stripper pole in the middle of the lounge / dance floor.

A large LCD TV hung like a trophy on the wall displaying happy snaps from previous events.

Everyone was dressed up in classy attire which accentuated their best assets. The night felt like more of a networking event, the creme de la creme of individuals from different organisations convening for the first time. Everyone was very friendly and eager to meet new faces. Small talk was made and conversation ensued, before the last fireworks of 2008 were heard at 9pm. The conversation paused momentarily whilst the sea of faces looked out over the water trying to decide which of the three firework displays would hold their attention.

When the last show ceased, drinks flowed and dancing began, the TV showed more intimate photos, still from previous events and the other guests started changing outfits. Conversation turned to the real reasons we were all gathered in a semi private party.

By this time I was relaxed, had made new friends and was ready for a big night. After all I had made it, I had stepped out of my comfort zone and was ready for whatever the night would bring.

Flaunt It! NYE Resolution

For this year, I resolve to undo the hard work of last years resolution and revert back to the fun of parties, pashes and playing the field ...

To kick start the New Year, I had made a very original plan of staying low key and watching the City of Sydney's fireworks display from a quiet destination ... The roof of my house ... I can never stick to a plan and almost had myself out on a date with a boy for NYE ... but just in time for NY, the internet dating site had an offer I couldn't refuse ... a Penthouse Party with a view of the fireworks ... a Penthouse Pet strutting her stuff and a fireworks display that is sure to delight and amaze if I am to believe the hype. I've always missed the Sydney NYE Fireworks display and this year I will be watching it from another first event for me ...

The website describes it as ...

Exclusive
THE sexiest party of the year on NYE
High standard intimate parties
AND, an erotic evening of untamed pleasure and lust

Quite possibly and basically a sex party.

So I'm saying GoodBye to my NYE resolution for 2008 and on to bigger and better men and women in 2009 ...

Watch this space as this is an experience that I'm sure you will hear about ... And there will be much, much more in the year to come!

10 Reasons why Waitressing is Easier with no Pants on

I've had two waitressing trials this weekend;
On Friday night I waitressed at a Spanish Restaurant; the money was average, the tips were non existent and the service was terrible. I was happy to know that I had a second trial on Saturday.

To be honest, I cant think of a single reason why waitressing is easier with no pants on, but I couldn't think of a more apt title for this entry, you see tonight was my first night as a Lingerie Waitress at a place in the city.

This isn't much different from my first job working in a bar, only at the other venue the clientele was generally women and I was fully clothed. Tonight I worked in a Gentlemens Club.

Originally I was going to be waitressing (in Lingerie) however, their barman happened to be away, so as the most qualified of all the girls, I found myself behind the bar mixing drinks and also as the MC for the nights strip shows.
The tips were on the lower side as all tables were set up with a TAB, but the hourly rate beats the pants off what I had received from working the night before.
I also had a prime position to watch the shows and they certainly were something else; one of the performers was even a Penthouse Pet.

Over the next couple of weeks work will be sporadic, but heres to an exciting new career path...
Way to disappoint Mum again by working in the Sex Industry!

Fiji Baby

A couple of months ago a guy from the pub down the road, who I was shagging, invited me to Fiji with him. He also invited another girl he was seeing.
We were all booked to go in the second week of February. However, things haven't been so peachy between us all lately.

Separately, we all get along great. Together, things sometimes got a little awkward, mostly for her. She didn't know that we had slept together, although could probably guess, and she did know that we'd hooked up. I was also his confidant in all things regarding her, ie her wanting a more serious relationship.

A couple of weeks ago he flew back in from Japan and she picked him up from the airport, on the way home they stopped in by my place for lunch. The majority of the time she sat there quietly and didn't participate in conversation.

It was at this point that I thought that it might be best to make my own plans for Fiji. I've told different people different stories as to who I am going away with. Usually I travel alone, so it was no huge surprise to my family when I told them I had booked a holiday to Fiji by myself, to some I would say that I was going with a couple of mates and a few of my friends know the full story.

We'd only booked flights so if I made my own arrangements, the only weird situation would be flying over on the same flights.

Today, I received a bizzare message from her:

Just to let you know, Rob and I have had to change our flight dates... Sorry to 'spring' this on you but ive got cancer and so we had to bring the flights forward for treatment and health reasons. Im really sorry.

WTF! I don't know how I feel right now. Now it actually will be a holiday on my own, no awkwardness...

Waitress Required

Waitress/er Required:
Upmarket establishment in City. Well presented, flexible hours, no exp req.
Ph: XXXX XXXX

I've disappointed my mother again; this time in my quest for employment.
This morning I had a job interview, for the position described above. The appointment itself was not at the establishment in the city, it was instead it was in Bondi Junction. I walked to the address in the business district, but the location of their office was in the residential area, so I walked down the street and found the building. Well, to be fair it was a townhouse, a little run down on the outside.

The sign on the door read ABC Stress Management. I rang the doorbell and was greeted by a plump, middle aged woman. She introduced herself as Debra and invited me in. Immediately inside the door was the office. The interior was dimly lit and the furnishings were minuscule. A desk with a few pieces of paper scattered about and a chair either side. The blinds were drawn, and hanging in the entrance to the hallway were a myriad of plush curtains.

I sat down with Debra and she told me about the position, speaking quietly and speeding up her voice at points of conversation that could cause unease or generate questions. Debra was only conducting interviews for a man who was opening up a Strip Club in the CBD. There was a generous base rate plus tips. Uniforms were provided although there would also be occasions at which required the girls to be topless. The owner pays all waitresses at the end of a shift in cash as were the girls who worked with her.

While I was at the interview my mother called and in my absence spoke to my flatmate, who told her where I was. Mum, who should know by now, pressed for details so I gave them to her. These were followed by a deathly silence as she came to the same conclusion that I had also come to ...

I'd just been to a brothel.

Bad Date #1

His name was Matt, he was 22 and a sweet guy, he was lonely and after being coaxed by a mate I decided to give him a go and let her set me up.

She didn't tell me much about him but that seemed fine as it gave us something to talk about once I got there. What I didn't realise was that there wasn't alot to him which is why she had nothing to tell me.

He started his adult life working at the local shopping centre in the Coles Supermarket, but soon got bored and moved upstairs to a more exciting career on the floor at K'mart. He got bored there too and after not showing up a few times the dream was over and management had to let him go.

All was not lost! His parents had a contact at McDonalds and so Matt started working the drive thru. Matt had found his true calling and management was beckoning, it all went awry when he broke his wrist, that was when he found an easier way to make money. Ever since Matt lived on the Dole and sat home each day watching Cable.

He was looking for a GF as life at home was lonely when his parents were away.
This girl wasn't it.