Sitting, waiting, wishing

Reflecting and contemplating. Life in a hammock, lazy days in the sun. Hopes, dreams and aspirations.

After being involved both directly and indirectly in the breakdown of 4 relationships most recently - none of these my own - I've been inspired to start writing again. For anyone who knows me, relationships are not my strong point. I would prefer much more relaxed boundaries, an open relationship if you will.

For the past few months, I've had no fixed abode, no paid job, all possessions sold or given away and the remainder packed into a bag. I've concentrated on new places, new faces, had great times and right now couldn't imagine life any other way. After a drunken bus ride with some random people I met at a pub the night before, I ended up with the man about town and was introduced to a new emotion - Jealousy. Whether this has anything to do with my involvement in breakdown of the other relationships of the past 2 months, I can't be sure. But here I am. The beauty of traveling is you can be whoever you want to be. I've had moments where I've had impeccable morals and other moments where I've been driven purely by selfishness.

Tomorrow I move on from the life I have been living here, but today I am confronted with the guy who I have been seeing exclusively (on my behalf) for the past few days ... from the moment where I lost my bus cherry to the night previously where I turned down, and subsequently, finished the orgy that was about to start.
Tonight I move on, it will be a bender, I will go hard, but but most of all, I will move on in the only way I know how - with any member of the opposite sex.
I'm still trying to work out why I feel betrayed. There were technically no boundaries to this relationship, merely a mutual understanding. I have spent the past few days enjoying company, wondering about his previous relationships, and the closeness

and flirtatiousness of his encounters with the opposite sex. There was nothing to worry about, we ended up in bed together at the end of the night, and today, I arrive back to see him with the the object of his affections; the ones I questioned. Am I turning into a woman? Where have these feelings come from, or is it simply my comeuppance. For the hearts I've broken along the way, for the closeness that I've been craving and enjoying to come to an end.

I realise I should be an adult about this, confront the situation head on, but it seems easier to just cut my losses and move to the next location, continue to drift.
For all the good times, that I've had, I will start updating more often, filling in on the events of the past and moving onward and upward with life.

Until next time xo